[A few months ago I was sitting alone in an IHOP at midnight or one in the morning, then I wrote the following (albeit slightly edited). After this experience it is my suspicion that a person can't know who they are until they are sitting by themselves in a booth at midnight with a drink, a pen, and a notebook.]
To look back or to reflect. We all rummage through those old cabinets of memories from time to time. Oddly enough, It's 'time to time' that makes up memories. Well... time provides a consistent (time is not consistent *nods to Einstein* but that's not important for this) scale by which we can measure memories.
Tonight I am rummaging, I am looking back on my life. Honestly It's the only thing on which I can look back. Tonight I establish a marker, not a milestone. No, that is for measuring miles...distance. Rather, tonight I set upright in my memory a... sort of memorystone.... a timestone. Yes, I think I will call it a timestone. Tonight, I graduate.
From what? To where? Why now? What do I mean graduate? Tonight was the end of high school. Actually the graduation ceremony was two weeks ago. My senior theatre production was one week ago. This afternoon was my last speech and debate performance; but that's not the reason tonight is the timestone. I'm not getting a break from school work. I'm going straight into summer school and then college work. I will see my friends again. I'm not moving out for another month or two. Why do I place the timestone tonight?
Tonight I actually feel slight remorse, that all of this is ending. It's not much, nothing more than a slight pause for most people, but for me... it's strange. For me, it is the point of graduation. Now, right now, right here, I remember and I feel. It's so strange. It's so new. I think this is what attachment feels like. I have only felt this once perhaps twice before. My best friend, I feel attached to her; but I decided to do it as well. I decided that I would be a friend to her before I felt it. So do I go back to here? Do I keep attached or do I let it go as most things require? Am I attached to these people? "I don't know. I don't understand. Leave me alone!" (very few people in this world would understand that quote, don't worry if you didn't)
Is this what love grows to feel like? I do love these people. I care about their well being. I help them as I can. I do all that I think love would do. Yes, yes I love these people, and that love may fade with time but I will try to remember this and then I will feel and I will try to love them again.
[Perhaps I shouldn't write after being awake for two days straight, while getting ready for a several hour long performance. I don't even know what I was trying to say when I wrote this. If you didn't understand any of this then, I leave you with a song. Extra points to the person who knows the song just by reading the lyrics.]
Where do we go from here?
Where do we go from here?
The battle's done and we kind-of won,
so we sound our victory cheer.
Where do we go from here?
Why is the path unclear?
When we know home is near.
Understand we'll go hand in hand,
But we'll walk alone in fear. (Tell me)
Where do we go from here?
When does the end appear?
When do the trumpets cheer?
The curtain's closed on a kiss,
God knows we can tell the end is near.
Where do we go from here?
Where do we go from here?
Where do we go from here?
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Historical Tournaments
These past few months have been rather busy, but things are starting to wind down now. For example I just went to my last debate tournament of the season. As tradition with my club on the last night we all went out to a specific restaurant before the final placement announcements. I'm usually a quiet person. I don't tend to talk unless there is good reason. I always try to have something worth hearing before I speak. Well anyway, during dinner the conversation degraded to talking about Nazi Germany and about how one of the club members had German ancestry. It quickly became 'ha ha my grandfather killed your grandfather...' ect. Which nearly everyone thought was funny. I see this as terribly foolish. Not only is it degrading to those men and women who fought and died so these...kids could have the freedom they take for granted; it also devalues human life. They were casting history into the dirt of meaninglessness. Now I care about these things enough to not do it myself but I don't think it's my place to tell them not to. I certainly might ask, 'please don't talk about this', but I won't tell them not to do it.
One particular mindset of mine came into action during this conversation. I consider any woman near me to also be 'under my protection' unless there is another person to whom that responsibility falls. Please understand this is not because I consider women to be weak. On the contrary I consider them to be remarkably strong and I have such a respect for them, I consider their well being to be important. I try to be chivalrous, out of respect. I try to be a knight in my own time as much as I can.
You may be seeing how these two things coincide. During the conversation the young lady sitting across from me expressed that she was not comfortable laughing at those things. She said she didn't think it was right and asked to change the topic. I still haven't said anything in this conversation and that's not unusual for me; but, two of the guys start pressing the lady trying to get her to laugh, going on and on. I have a problem with that. I have a problem with anyone who purposefully tries to get someone to violate their own conscious. These guys thought it was funny to get her to do something which she said she didn't want to do because she thought it was wrong. Then I said one thing. It was a question. 'Why do you derive pleasure from causing her to do something, she has expressed interest not to do?'
It never ceases to amaze me just how many people listen to you when you only speak once every five or ten minutes. Well they never answered my question, the topic of conversation changed quickly; one of the other ladies didn't smile for the rest of dinner; and I moved over a seat and engaged in a productive conversation.
Often I start these posts with a quote. Today I am going to leave you with a few quotes of my own, "To trip a man solely because he is walking, that is malice." I cry out to you... "Beware! For evil does not lunge upon a man in full form. It creeps, taking but one little concession at a time."
On the way back from that tournament I wrote this "In order to cause a generation to forget those lessons learned from history, one need only to talk about that history in a light, jovial, and careless manner." Heed the lessons learned from our ancestors in the past. Open the history books. Read them aloud in the streets if need be. Let us never laugh in the face of evil, for if we ever think we are that far above it....we are terribly mistaken. Let us never be kicked by the ass twice.
One particular mindset of mine came into action during this conversation. I consider any woman near me to also be 'under my protection' unless there is another person to whom that responsibility falls. Please understand this is not because I consider women to be weak. On the contrary I consider them to be remarkably strong and I have such a respect for them, I consider their well being to be important. I try to be chivalrous, out of respect. I try to be a knight in my own time as much as I can.
You may be seeing how these two things coincide. During the conversation the young lady sitting across from me expressed that she was not comfortable laughing at those things. She said she didn't think it was right and asked to change the topic. I still haven't said anything in this conversation and that's not unusual for me; but, two of the guys start pressing the lady trying to get her to laugh, going on and on. I have a problem with that. I have a problem with anyone who purposefully tries to get someone to violate their own conscious. These guys thought it was funny to get her to do something which she said she didn't want to do because she thought it was wrong. Then I said one thing. It was a question. 'Why do you derive pleasure from causing her to do something, she has expressed interest not to do?'
It never ceases to amaze me just how many people listen to you when you only speak once every five or ten minutes. Well they never answered my question, the topic of conversation changed quickly; one of the other ladies didn't smile for the rest of dinner; and I moved over a seat and engaged in a productive conversation.
Often I start these posts with a quote. Today I am going to leave you with a few quotes of my own, "To trip a man solely because he is walking, that is malice." I cry out to you... "Beware! For evil does not lunge upon a man in full form. It creeps, taking but one little concession at a time."
On the way back from that tournament I wrote this "In order to cause a generation to forget those lessons learned from history, one need only to talk about that history in a light, jovial, and careless manner." Heed the lessons learned from our ancestors in the past. Open the history books. Read them aloud in the streets if need be. Let us never laugh in the face of evil, for if we ever think we are that far above it....we are terribly mistaken. Let us never be kicked by the ass twice.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Story of Clarity?
A flash, a moment, the point where his thoughts proceeded faster than time itself. Call it imagination or premonition, does it really matter the name? In one second he saw something which could be; in that second he saw with, both absolute clarity and deepest haze.
While on the phone the young woman asks him, "Could you grab my bags for me". He nods with his usual lack of expression, she walks in the hotel still talking to whoever was on the phone. He follows, she turns toward the elevator. The suit and skirt outline her figure as the heals provide height and sway. He stops for a moment seeing nothing else. Then the image strikes him of a loveless marriage, little more than a partnership. She knows he is reliable. He knows her talents and abilities. He sees many nights in hotels on her necessary business. He sees a large house that's empty, certainly not a home. He sees people he doesn't know, who know more than himself. He sees a sad ending, an early brokenness. And just like that he returns. He feels as if he was gone for years but she is only a few more steps ahead of him. He remembers to exhale, then walks on.
So here this story told to me, is again told to you, as our existences intersect before we walk on.
While on the phone the young woman asks him, "Could you grab my bags for me". He nods with his usual lack of expression, she walks in the hotel still talking to whoever was on the phone. He follows, she turns toward the elevator. The suit and skirt outline her figure as the heals provide height and sway. He stops for a moment seeing nothing else. Then the image strikes him of a loveless marriage, little more than a partnership. She knows he is reliable. He knows her talents and abilities. He sees many nights in hotels on her necessary business. He sees a large house that's empty, certainly not a home. He sees people he doesn't know, who know more than himself. He sees a sad ending, an early brokenness. And just like that he returns. He feels as if he was gone for years but she is only a few more steps ahead of him. He remembers to exhale, then walks on.
So here this story told to me, is again told to you, as our existences intersect before we walk on.
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